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Camping next to water 12:31 a.m. 2005-01-23 Like the glancing glow that shattered the headlights these raw bursts of visciousness are palpable in the halo of your eyes. Fractured the iris at the point of the cancer, contagious disease rupturing through the plauge of your unrest. In realizations the sun rises at the whim of the free and the mind becomes this universe in a single second of splitting terror rendering inconsequential the stringing together of sentences. Revelations made in the backseats of cars as the attraction grows between the entities seperate from yourself. The consequence of this single united conciousness is blistering the skin on the fingertips touching you. Touching me. Stagnant sense of doubt as the truth filters through, this situation was so painful because i felt so helpless. Do you know when i'm talking to you? The emotion running through this all powered the machine as the fingers burnt my neck but there was an underlying significance to the way you made me feel. Safety manifest in that simple gesture and the motion of surrender. But the brief respite was riddled with fear and now i am back to this. You are so far away and i have sent you on this lark through misunderstood faltering of memory. The simple remembering of the emotion of a few short days ago seems obscured by clouds. Can you see that I had no say in this? It was never your fault but it was the end result of this perversion of mind of which i find myself a victim. You're lost and gone and maybe its forever... right now it doesn't matter. Splintering slivers of the apparatus revived through this need and the blood on your hands. This is not about love. Shiver to think the splendor of the night fading in the iris of this unremarkable moment. I guess i still care. Plastic fae proverbial sleep sent the silence in fear as the cuts marked the city in a shade of red. These never were letters to you. Perhaps someday i will jump at the chance to commit the act of which she spoke but not until things are clear. The entanglement will cause the wait but passivity is false. Maybe someday the moment will come and the words will be spoken and things will be what they could be but not now. And this isn't something wrong. Hope is driving the sails of this ship as we set out once more. I don't want this because of the past tense pain inflicted through acts slashed to the skin of the unknown victim. I do not want this because i will not be the circumstance of injection in regard to his pain. I do not want something half hearted and something unsure. You are burning away the letters we wrote. I dreamed about her a few nights ago and woke up remember the way it felt to live like that. I never would have thought to see you in my dreams, especially considering the circumstance. Blanket the city in snow and sorrow as we go about our lives. I will not look back until the day when you tell me that its safe to dream. And maybe i'll fall in love |