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12:06 a.m. 2005-01-24

so maybe it all latched on to you like the scent of her as she walked back on the bus. Maybe it was all circumstance, that look in your eyes but i'm tired of writing to you. Upon waking the wound was gone but the scar was shaped to form your name. Throw me to the spiders. Trying to function past the reality of all the collapse that broke our hearts again and again. So maybe logic overcame instinct and instinct fought back. A reaction resulting in the creation of emotion to keep our logic in check. I am tired of waking up. I am tired of your eyes and the way they make me feel and i bleed to know that you would still say things like that. A resounding fuck you as the dirge beats on in the crying dawn reverting the scarlet sunset as our day plays over and over again. Project upon me your smiling goodwill and i will become like all the rest. And sure there are different aspects to every feeling nothing is whole and simple and complete. But i will take these measures in full. Please don't carry me halfway. Plastic contraption carrying the key to our wasted hearts. I am so in love and so fucking tired of this love going out to all of you. Paint my face away paint me to become something different than anything you ever thought i would be. And maybe standing under the streetlights next to you you won't recognize me and we will realize how pointless this all is. So maybe i'm just hurting but its for the best and i'm willing. But don't play the music so loud please, i'm trying to daydream. Send me the smile and say goodbye

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words @ jake, layout @ kelly