Now Do It
10:24 p.m. 2007-05-11
And they tell you its only human to surrender to this pain that swallows your senses and hides lonely and heavy in the pits of your stomach. And I tell you that they're lying.
To feel pain like this is only human, to surrender and accept it as a part of living is the greatest fraud I know.
To fight it, fight it hard, is the place of those of us who have hope.
I wake up to the feeling of lead feet and tingling legs, and roll myself up out of bed with fingers that tremble and knees that buckle down to toss me on the floor. And the memory of last midnight's agony is wretched and writhing in my gut and misting inside my eyelashes and pupils. And i hate it, with harsh words and hardened face i hate it. Because I, because we, those of you who understand these words, do not deserve to live in a world where pain is inevitable. Because the tensing of my muscles to move matter and the bending of my brains to build cities out of words do not deserve to terminate in bulletcasings and bad goodbyes. So i clench fists and set the lines in my mouth to grim war with the anguish unfurling flags on my brow and slash red marker through desperate pleas and tear up every suicide note still in my heart and I refuse to look at the world in fear of getting hurt. I have chosen fire, binary and inkstains to complement the future ache in my arms and back and will build myself a world i deserve to live in.
And i expect the same from you.
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