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11:30 p.m. 2005-07-01

Blank stares and tired lies when this is too much to take. WE hold our souls so close and write it down to spare them the hearing of such hurt. I am bleeding on your bedsheets and dying in your arms to remember this by. A memory and a picture taken on a bright summer's day when everything was wonderful. Can you feel dependence and resentment melting into one as your heart becomes something to hate. I am so tired of being in love and being a lover and being so unloved and I am tired of caring and feeling. I am tired of living in a world covered by ash and tearstains. You whispered the words over the line to prevent hearts from breaking but it was the content not that volume that hurt us all. And tonight, i wanted so bad to call you and make you come walk with me, I wanted to tell you everything. But i didn't have the heart, i'm not ready to say goodbye and I know that this is heading towards a farewell and an awkward everafter. I wanted to tell you that I cared, but then i'd just be another boy, and I can't pretend this doesn't exist, not anymore. And why have all the girls been looking at me with such looks on their faces lately? Why do you look at me when I want to disappear. Just let me fade away.

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words @ jake, layout @ kelly