But here is goes.

I've shared this space with you. I've shared myself with you, in the most intimate way I ever could. And I want you to know how grateful, how thankful, I am for all of it. For everything. I love you.
I've shared this with you because we connected, somehow in all of this. Something that I am narcissistic enough, flawed enough, pathetic enough and forgetful enough, to lose sight of sometimes. I know we aren't what we were but I wanted you to know that sometimes my eyes open wide enough to see the past in something other than steel and sepia. Sometimes I'm smart enough to remember. Sometimes I am good enough at being a person to remember all you were and all you've done for me. Sometimes I wake up.
And tonight I needed you to know (even if you never read, hopefully you don't) how much you mean to me.
Thank you for being a friend to me.
Thank you for living.
Remembering that we were something once, remembering that we both were, at some point, alive and together makes the world a better place for me to live in.
And the hope that you are still out there somewhere, walking through gardens or sleeping in sunlight (moonlight, whatever), makes my life more full and complete and worth living.
And I'm sorry for everything I've put you through.
Thank you.
I love you

back & forth