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Its how its got to be
12:11 a.m. 2005-09-04

Another day... We wake up still here, still holding on. Its all in how you deal with it. I'm hanging on by a thread and I don't know what comes next. And why have i been missing you lately?
I want her to be beautiful, in a simple kind of way. I want her shadow to cut through the darkness and to see her slip into darkness wearing a white dress. I want her to be pure and quietly serene. I want her to challenge me and help me see who i could become through the simplicity of her observations. I want to stay up all night talking, filling up the ashtray and watching the sunrise. And i want that purity to be an aura around her, consuming and whole, even when there are things less than pure on her mind. And at the end of the day, when this imagining has run its course I know she will never exist and if she materializes it will end in an utter ruination of an imagining of a beautiful girl dancing on the docks under the moonlight, wearing a white dress. I know that I'll never have her, and if i do i will still wind up alone.

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words @ jake, layout @ kelly