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11:31 p.m. 2005-08-12

So you want to hurt me? You're doing a damn good job. You don't think i know what goes on you don't think i understand and feel it? I know that i let you down every day and you want to know how it feels, it feels worse than anything i've ever experienced. But what do you want me to do? I would give you anything but i can't give you what you want from me, i can't do what you need me to do. And it breaks me. Completely. There's a long list of people i've hurt, mistakes i've made, and i keep it close to my heart. Its everywhere i go, its everything i see. I want to help people, i want to make them happy, but all i ever cause is pain. I regret the life i lead, i regret everything i do, because i hurt people and i'm not doing for the sake of happiness. Because i'm not happy. I don't feel warm i don't feel loved. I felt alone and left outside, i feel seperate and cold. I feel distanced from everyone. There's a line etched in my palm that states, i will care more for the people i meet than they will ever care for me. Do you think I don't know what it feels like to be hurt? I am what i am and i cannot apologize for that. I thought i was a good person, a worthy person, for the longest time. But i'm not, everyone i've ever tried to help has bled and i have nothing to live for. No one cares the way i care and do i sound like a whiny misunderstood teenager? Fuck you all, for asking this of me and not seeing the way i bleed.
And how will it feel, when i'm gone, that you couldn't do a thing to save me? Fuck you all

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