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In shades
12:07 a.m. 2005-06-09

Caveat. This room and the airlessness of missing something that never existed. Chase your dreams over the ceiling in regret and with shaking fingers. Paint your nails bright red baby. We've gotten to a place where we don't have to think and I'm through wondering. I'm not going to take another guess and I will burn these walls to eviscerate old memories. I can't promise your written words will survive. These letters will betray the emotion behind veils. Open your eyes dear in a daring sleight of hand and just take a look at these souls laid bare. Is it worth saying that I'm fighting to finish is off? I'm going to miss you one way or the other and i'll see you soon. The difficulty of letting go. The transcendance of becoming someone who doesn't need you or want you. Lately your pictures have been fucking ugly. I'll call tomorrow ok? To be honest i've had enough with this trying to be happy through love. I live a pointless life no goals no aspirations no passions and no hope. I breathe each day without expectation and without joy. Fuck it. You won't love me the way i want to be loved and you won't even try... i can tell you it would be enough. But you won't try. Fuck hoping and fuck expectations I live everyday because of the obligations i have to others and because i'm not ready to pull the trigger. But there is no happiness here. Not really.
How does it feel to know?

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words @ jake, layout @ kelly