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I wish 11:46 p.m. 2005-05-20 And i wish things were different. I wish i could write this letter to you and make you feel the regret and shame the desperation and this twisting inside my gut. I wish these words could really convey the way this feels. I wish that this life was anything but. I wish I was happy, that i could find meaning. I wish i could find something to hold on to and i wish i could steal your smile. I wish I could wake up to the sunlight tomorrow morning without fear. I wish that I had never broken and I wish that i really wanted to change. And I hate the way it has to be. These sentences and null. Unwritten letters, conversations long overdue. I hate the way it feels I hate the way they smile and the way you laugh. I hate my inability to create and my fear. I hate my honesty and my lies I hate. I hate my empathy and apathy. I hate this contradiction and the bittersweet taste roiling on my lips. I hate... And I regret... But mostly I wish i didn't.
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