8:51 p.m. 2005-04-06
Composing letters to you like symphonies on the long ride home while her head rests against the glass and every radiant movement is highlighted in a sunny reflection. And it will be ok. If you see this I want you to know, I don't want your number and we'll never do that again. "Voices calling from a yellow road to come downstairs and say hello." Lately we've all been scared and tomorrow will bring the tension. Lately your eyes have been red with sorrow and traces of your regret have been staining your makeup. For a while now your face in the mirror has looked sad and someone is hiding. And I tried to trace the lines of your hand in the sand for months after you left, but it was never perfect and the incarnation of beauty has moved into her eyes when you moved away. And she said 'how could you leave me like this?' After all what's the use in the rain if there's no pain to be washed away and what's the point of this brilliant shine if there's no hope left to engulf? We create our own meaning and the thing we forget is that in the glare of headlights everything can change and I'll wait out this spell without regard to promises she made before. "Turn on MTV sounds turned down lips moving... they say it'll be ok." And to tell you the truth the way your breath was shaking rocked me back and forth. Come tomorrow nothing can change and there is no hope until you smile for me one last time from across this empty table. You're gone and I've let go and finally its not only because I'm hoping for something better. This time dear, you're dead and gone. And my only question is do you feel anything at all knowing that I won't visit your grave? I don't know, things change and I don't think this would ever work but just imagine if it did and the canvas painted echoed truth.
And if you'll let me I'll be that for you. When the wind blows these cataracts are glistening and we need something to lean on and I will hold you close and save your heart for better boys. Because I've let you go and any deviation from that expectation will be miraculous.
Good Night and I hope something will make you happy
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