Save the time for tomorrow
9:59 p.m. 2005-03-09
I want to capture your heart and I want to capture the sky with this lens. I want to steal your breath away and redeem this pain with a sense of graceful anxiety as you pick up the phone. I want to bring you to your knees. These songs mean everything.... these words mean everything. Save some portion of the things we shared and keep it close to your heart because this will never happen again. "I will blame myself for holding onto what i hope would keep you by my side." There's something so beautiful in this melancholy and the way I feel I never want to leave this place, build me a cave to hide in with these words and this poetry and the dream of a perfect girl. You tattooed your devotion on my chest and I can't rub this ink off now that you're gone. These scars are not a burden because they remind me of you. These tears are not tears of regret. Please..... oh please.... can't you let me break me? You loved to hear me beg. And I know this isn't an escape because this is perfect. I will not feel sorry. I will not let you make me feel that way again and you know you don't mean a fucking thing. I am going to watch you in your transient glory as his fingers strip away every last bit of the things that made me love you. I will give up this feeling in exchange for the promise that you'll miss me every day. Lately I haven't been halfhoping you'd call and lately you don't matter. You never really understood anyway, did you Diane? I am so tired of people assuming the worst and people thinking this is too much. I am tired of lies and avoidance of misrepresneation and false hopes. I am not sick of you, i'm sick of the way you make me feel. Because what's the point if you just make me sad.
A third draft and it keeps coming back to you.
The point is, I remember you created exaltation and lit a fire in my chest. But its dying and I think you feel the same.
Sentimentality and plagarism just so you know
"i miss crawling to bed
at 4 in the morning.
with cell-phone conversations that last till 6
conversations that would come up as 100$ on my next bill
and waking up at 9 AM
just because its better to be ready for a day of nothing
then left messy-haired and make-up smeared in a room
with insence burning since last night.
i miss fighting over eyeliner
i miss our dumb cigarettes we bought every weekend
i miss matching clothes, when we havent even planned it