In a goosebump infested embrace with my overanxious hands cupping your face
10:52 p.m. 2005-02-21
Sum up your heart and soul in someone else's sentences and I am completely devoted to the idea of us... and like i said 'I'm so completely in love with what we used to have... even if i don't want you now.' So whats the point of our worrying when you are with someone else and there's nothing to do about it i mean sure feelings are feelings and we hurt to know there's someone else but the skies are still fucking blue right? Well anyway there isn't anything beautiful about this anymore so why am i clinging onto all of it and I guess 'that day will most likely never come for me' and 'tonight i'll sit and pick apart your pictures and over-analyze your words' cuz 'the truth is i've never fallen so hard, its taken everything in my just to forget your sweater so far.' Anyway someday i'm sure you'll say that it was worth it and we'll laugh and shoot holes through the pictures and someday I'm sure you'll rip my heart apart but i'm looking forward to it sweetie. Doesn't change the fact that I want nothing to do with any of this without the promise that you're beautiful. So sing me a song and prove that this is real and when we dream is it anything like reality? I mean honestly... stop dramatizing everything because this isn't the time or place to worry. 'your lips your eyelashes your skin these are the parts of your body that' make me fall so hard and so what if i'll never get to see them up close? You're beautiful and it kills me so i'll call you katatonia and pretend that I can't see the mirrors of your eyes lighting me up. Pee Ess, what the fuck are you so scared? "don't go worrying about me, its not like i think about you constantly... well maybe i do but that shouldn't effect your life anymore, i knew it the moment you walked into the door' and i guess its true that the way i feel doesn't necessarily mean you feel the same way so what's the use in trying to tell you? Yeah well i miss you anyway. If i let you, would you get the best of me? I'm thinking you'd do a good job of turning my world inside around but hey i've told you all of this before right? Just fucking take it already, its not like theres obligation behind this affection and doesn't it feel good to know that someone cares? "all hail the heartbreaker' you pretty little thing, you kill me and doesn't it make us feel so alive? So this isn't poetic and it isn't what you were expecting but I'm hoping you like it anyway this collage of memories and feelings given away to you as i read your poetry and wonder what happened to you? "i adore the way you carry yourself' hah Maybe i'm imagining it but you're so fucking beautiful and why can't you just stop it already? Its a testament to what you mean that you've been in my head for days and you're always there and when i'm dreaming is it about you?
When i was little I used to imagine these moments and i dreamd of pushing you away, i would lay in bed, covers up tight, stuffed animals overhead and pray that I wouldn't need you, i guess even then i knew this would happen. And I remember reading a love story and thinking that the most beautiful thing about it all was, when you're reading a story, you are reading the mind of someone in love and isn't that beautiful. And you scream at the pages wanting them to end up happy when they so obviously aren't, beacuse you know, you know what they'r ethinking and you know that they are both so in love. And I was thinking... isn't that the most amazing thing in the world? Isn't that what we want, we want to be in love and we want someone to love us. But mostly, we want to read the mind of someone who loves us so we can know just how beautiful we can be and how sometimes, the tiniest thing means everything. So come on sweetie, let me read your mind this one time, i promise i won't say a thing.
Can we just call each other home?
If you're still reading come on over cuz you know i love you so much.
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