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To you
11:16 p.m. 2005-02-16

so string this fucking wire tight and asphyxiate the need from our lives as the burning wick fades away and tomorrow blooms without expectation or fear of destruction. As the shortening continues days fade into sunsets and we wonder what happened and I'm reading your letter and wondering what I would write you if we could be completely honest. And the underlying theme to all of this is love. Let it consume you let it infiltrate and succumb to this contorted emotion and the neverending stream of feeling and why aren't you drinking? WHy are you so scared you shared enough to show that you understood it but why can't you let this go? I can see everything you ever hoped for in the reflection of silver in the sunlight as the car door slams shut, but can't you see that its something glorious and we are hurting and melting and the ice is not creating comfort it is a shell and your eventual adaptation isn't something fucking wonderful. I see in you the adaptation i underwent and the depression will leave you hollow and gaping and so fucking arrogant. We will hurt and we will believe it makes us transient and eternal and somehow invulnerable. And in the aftermath of this destruction we are still hollow and resilient and we will last forever because we have not givent all of ourselves to anyone... in fear. And I can see it in ur eyes. You are terrified to become a part of someone because what if it ends. You have a piece of me, and maybe you hold it right next to your heart and treasure it or maybe you don't even know. I want to see you cry and as it ends i want you to know that you are beautiful. So beautiful. Is that such a bad thing?

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words @ jake, layout @ kelly