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9:56 p.m. 2005-02-15

So you want a war?
I bet this wasn't what you were expecting and I'm not waiting around to burn for you. Silent reminders on the edge of this knife and the scars are formative of the pattern belittling this circumstance. Visionary catastrophe and you are marching to the end with comrades and impending doom held breast high. And I'll fire this bullet at your heart loaded words and sympathy. A bloody parade to the glorious everafter where they write their stories and dictate history. You will die for them. They will forget you when you are gone and as you are swallowed up I want you to know that it was all for nothing. You've started the fire this time, with the words you uttered digitally and sporadic applause for your honesty will be drowned in the melancholy wails of the abandoned. I will walk among the graves and remember. The machines overhead will unleash the apocalypse as you watch the glinting steel in a blood red summer and a crimson dawn. These utterances will echo in the heat as you move in formation and the firepower will not deafen you to the past tense promises and the words she whispered. Man these hills and protect an ideal with your weapons and your death and a bitter taste of suicide and fear in your mouth as you end it all.

Firelight quick stop as the embers embark on an upwards crusade around the smoke and the vaporous entity embodying your sorrow. Thin slice the shards of glass from the mirror create a glittering counterpoint as we sit fireside lost in ourselves and the possibility of each other. So I guess this isn't what you were hoping for. Feel the electricity sting the air with poignant reminders of the promises we made to others. Ignore responsibility for the sake of a moment of contentment and a quick escape from our cares. Lost in this. So I bet this was never supposed to happen. But now that its started there is something deep inside urging it on. A silent collapse to culminate the evening and the snow outside your window is driving us mad. I watched you walk away and felt your eyes on my back as we disappeared crosswise into the night.

Over the ocean there is something unknown where you will be finding me. I can feel it undulating across this green and blue forever and you are so afraid. Caress these waves with your toes and the tips of your hair are glittering with salt. Reflect this eternity in the eyes of the girl as she is submerging and fading. Somewhere across this intangible expanse happiness is waiting and we're imagining it. Nebulous this hope is floating in stray strands of light that filter through this cloudscape and wrap tenderly around your legs. There wasn't always something to say but you're making it clear that sometimes its best to just share the moment. With the coming of the tide these words spill forth in cataracts and irridescent streams that captivate and steal the breath of the fallen. I was hoping you'd listen and falling short of comprehension at least you'll smile and nod along. As the tide fades the words cease and its all going on in my head and there are a thousand things to tell you and I'll wait again for the right moment, and we'll both know that the moment might never come again. Its only exciting when there are no certainties. That's what she said to me.

I can feel your body next to mine and I don't even know you. In the glare of these lights its just enough to know you're alive and the pulse that unites us is something serene in its chaotic energy. I've never seen your face before but the way you move ensures that i'll remember you long after all of this is through. I can see a thousand people moving together to create this beauty out of simple words and the efforts of the five gorgeous creatures on stage. Forget your worries forget who you fucking are and loose yourself in moments of perfection and the way she moves next to you completely oblivious to the consequences tomorrow may bring. This is all we need.

I never meant to scare you. In closing let us say that eternity was never meant to mean anything accompanied by lonliness and the companionship of our insides. Diane, Holly, all of you, there never were promises, there never were sureities and that is what makes all of this worth living and our regrets are shallow and weak and in the end I just want to see you smile and say that you never regretted a thing.

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words @ jake, layout @ kelly