A steep ladder
10:07 p.m. 2005-02-09
I remember the first time. I remember the feel of that very first touch. That first simple gesture, the tenderness of it the way it felt to have your skin touching mine. I remember the first time you held me and the way it felt to have one simple touch melt away my insecurities and render me naked and vulnerable. I remember that burning tingling that remained even after your fingers were gone. I remember.
Did you feel the same way too?
And I imagine... you with him and that isn't even the worst part.
"why can't you just be happy why can't you just be happy?"
Here I am and I'm trying to forget all these things that i remember, the parts of you that i know will never go away. I am dependant on the memories i know are no longer valid. Together we created these memories, a monster in my head that keeps me up for days and days.
I remember that first touch and everything after and how you affected me. And now I'm trying to find someone else to make me feel the way you did. I'm looking for that touch, but when it comes, when she touches me and i feel myself melt again, i know it will break my heart that they aren't your hands. I just want to be happy without you but lately I keep letting myself slipping back into the memories.
And I was wondering what do you think of all of this. And more importantly, how do you feel?
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