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simple 12:14 a.m. 2004-12-31 Scatter these streets with fragments of photographs and shards of the letters you've written to everyone you've ever watched disappear. Spread this feeling across skies and stars and the dirty light from these lamps casts a shadow over your face. Imagine what it could be like... "can i have you..." Shuddering to think we are sitting in the very same house. These same rooms tell the story that sings happiness and regret and there are so many feigned glances here. Lately i've been retracing these steps finding the way back to you. Evanescent chains that bind this sorrow together lead back to the source of all of our decisions. Lately I've been trying to understand just what is happening. "can i have you..." Hindsight 20/20 and who can claim that they saw this coming. You were never supposed to be real. It feels as though everything has been advancing relentlessly, euphoric fabric of a simpler age tying together the stands of memory that create the impression of your face upon my pillow. But the most important thing is what if your dream came true and everything was different tomorrow? Why am i not afraid of the possibility of dying.... i mean what if there is something growing inside of me and i'm just hanging on the edge. What if everything that feels ok isn't. What if tomorrow i wake up and realize that this is all coming to an end. I feel as though the delusions are threatening to swallow me whole and create a brand new reality out of this pointless life that i have been living. Maybe tonight I will wait up for you... "why can't i have you...." I want you to know that at the end of things you were something beautiful and as it all fell apart around you the look on your face was so powerful, so flawed and beautiful that the catastrophe become worthwhile for the sake of seeing you draped in ruin and the light of hope flitting in and out of your eyes. I want you to know that you've changed me and though you'll never be a part of me though the sky is falling around and you are creating and end to every beginning with your desperation, even though the lights are going out and there is no hope for tomorrow; despite all of it i wanted you to know that you changed me back & forth |