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Like a spider
12:40 a.m. 2004-10-03

Another night another feigned smile and the smoke is an essence of pragmatism that burnt at your fingers in the harsh glare of a brand new reality. And the sparks that ignited this wire are floundering in a cold sphere contained within this interlocked gaze and your feelings were always palpable and these pain racks through my soul and it hurts to know that its not even mine and that its not ever enough. through your endless repetion of phrase we became one and in the silence the moon if full and hanging from your windowsill and the strands of your hair are caressing my face and life isn't something they made up for once. I just feel tired. Tired of your words that touch my soul and leave me feeling empty and wasted. Tired of the feelings that bleed with the tide and create this turmoil from centered fragility. I am tired of the way all of you make me feel like i'm not good enough, for thinking that i'm not good enough. I am so tired of preconceptions and closemindedness and the way you were never there when i needed you. Can't someone understand my need to be heard and when you read these words please just... just give me a chance. And i know this sounds self pitying but none of us were born perfect under this perfect sky that we are struggling to rend from the heavens.
And if you can't tell me how you feel then i'll never understand who you are and i'll never know who it is i'm caring about. Because in these dark hours your silhouttes are so indecisive and its up to me to make you up. In this darkness you are not flesh and blood but conjurations of a lonely imagination and the truth is i'll never be happy in love because i am... unsure and tired, indescive and cynical and these words are the only thing about me that could ever be beautiful...
do you see me clearly now?
I want to be the spider because even the spider can fly away... create this web and just float so far away from everything and everyone that ever judged me

back & forth

words @ jake, layout @ kelly