11:15 p.m. 2004-09-05
Like the heartbreak that reverberated across the walls in rippling patterns my eyes burn for you and in the twilight can you see this blood flowing from transparent scars and acoustic echoings of the loss that shattered our intentions. Like the time you passed by me and said it meant nothing this is so important yet so utterly subtle as it shivers its way across my knees. Would you miss me if i died tonight, or would you all just stand in disgust as you watched the body burn. THis was never really me anyway. I was never anything beautiful or elegant or special. I was never eloquent, i was never kind. Can't you see the hypocrisy that defines the contours of my face. Can't you see the dispair that dances in my eyes, or in these fucking bloody cuts on my arms... can't you fucking see me at all?
I didn't think so
I thought about despair and it was so sweet that denial meant everything. At least with this cancer i had something to need but here and now i'm just falling and i can't see you reaching out to catch me (are you even trying) dearest... you'll never see the measure of the man when you cut away the bullshit i'm nothing more than a whisper in the rain.
I feel so hopeless(helpless)