To say goodbye
10:44 p.m. 2004-08-11
twosided double edged vocal strains shimmersweet through your window and all of this was intentional in its decaying reply. You were never... Turn out my lights and delete this cyber romance that was all wires and stand by messages. She was gone and tragedy struck paralysis was a footnote on the pages of this anguish. Literary inversion of truth bleeds off this page and blue orange satined windows sang this song into your ear and into my heart. conversion of deceitful tears turns gold in this pale moonlight as you scream away your impotent emotion. It never seemed to make sense she said and i guess you could never understand how i felt. These heights burn your fears into a pink smoke that could strangle us. So your selfishness was but a memory in times when black and blue were ignorant shades of gray and we are all gray people stuck in gray streets watching a gray sunrise in the spherical standby world you refused not to live in. Just say you can understand me... please just this once because its never felt more lonely in this twisted fragment of existence. I just need you to see me straight through and smile as i bleed away into a shadow and a silky cloud sunset. Why can't i see your empathy when your eyes are locked with mine in this contrasted moment that slipped between the cracks into a forever moment with you and me and the haze that slid over everything and inked out our fates in reds and yellows that spoke of a love that would die.
"Wake up now its over just tell me its ok to die"
And this is all my fauilt and yours for speaking these sick enigmas that could cripple or heal. Am i a savior or am i your ever ender? And who would have thought that you'd never think to read between the lines to see who i really was. This may seem special to you but this is just another night of my perpetual suicide and it never made a difference to you, not as long as there was a smile on my face. Funny how easy it is to smile while we waste our lives. Clarity in the ebony skin of night relays your small place in the world to the back of our eyelids. I never felt so small before you were gone and i had nothing to hold onto and tonight this one is for you love and hate emobodied in these digital letters to everyone i ever knew. And the girls smiling on the street when you drive by, they don't mean a thing to anyone but they never seemed so beautiful. Just as long as you don't waste you love on a life that wasn't meant to be tied to yours and as long as you can always say these words to me i can...
Its a repetition of constant worry and a feeling of serenity in the knowledge that i am helpless to get through to you. When i said i needed help i was screaming to you and these binds are breaking and sanity is all relative. Forget it, you can't understand me... and i'm giving up trying to make you