kill them all
8:21 p.m. 2004-06-08
"This is what living like this does"
So after time and time again of technical loss of words and thoughts that we trapped so deep inside it all came to nothing and never meant a thing (like everything else) we're slaving away hoping for a chance to prove ourselves at the expense of everyone else and these words are bleeding out too fast. The world is spinning like we had been drinking but i never felt a thing like this before, twistscape through the sunlight and let the leaves get caught in your hair. The most beautiful thing in the world a perfect scene. What would it take to have: this music through our lives in a day of sunshine and flowers and the two of us together lost and laughing in the grass. What would it cost to see the ocean reflected in your eyes and my own heart beating for every word you say. The touch of your hand would mean anything to everyone and we could stand in the sand and maybe i could see your smile one last time.
If this was the last day would you regret a single thing you did?
Because lately it feels like i'm stagnating. The same music is still beautiful but everything else seems to be fading. New people that don't mean anything, do they notice the pauses, the moments of silent insecurity and the stretchs of disinterest. Its just a fragment of what's to come. and i'm still on the verge of letting this screaming psuedoindividual bleed me away and leave me lifeless. (what's the point of it all anymore) And i was wondering if maybe you were just like me tied up and broken down behind schoolyards hiding in the back of a van just waiting to sate that deep dark addiction. I was wondering do you hurt to? Cuz maybe we could hurt together and i'd be just like you. What would it be like to bleed together on the same stage and just forget it all for long enough to smoke a cigarrette and move on.
Fuck these periods of selfindulgent dreaming and the way you make me misty eyed. Fuck the way it makes me feel to just stand beside you and feel so far away from everything that matters. the most amazing feeling to wish to be anyone but who i am and its because of you.
I'd write the most beautiful poems but someone else already has and i'll always be second best to someone and lately it seems like everyone is in agreement.
If we could go on a walk past midnight and you couldn't hear my voice but you understood every word, you would love me. Then you would lose me as the full moon came out and the person you loved faded away