not one to be overdramatic.. or am i?
9:39 p.m. 2004-05-06
and all our sins come back to haunt us in the end....
What were you too me but simple memories and picture frames hanging from doomed walls this pain is peeling and every decoration fades beneath dust and hopelessness. The reflections in the windows never proved anything; your existence was a paradox at best, a mystery at worst and we were always left wondering, entangled together all these nights never meant a thing. What was that quesiton on the tip of your tongue halfway between honesty and self deception and drowning yourself in this bottle never helped
Lighted windows and crimson wrists, your reflection behind and in front and you can't go home again... it was never a dream just an illusion waiting to wreck us all. i'm as important as american football and all the pretty songs you've never heard.
Spend some time here in this quiet room wondering what if and how did all this happen to such a happy young boy
-what is it about you that sends shivers throughout. Understanding signifies the color of your eyes and everything felt perfect there in that quiet moment three am sidewalks and streetlamps headlights can't make this real your hair seemed so real then and your voice was the greatest song ever but i never heard a word you said after all this isn't real is it its by proxy affectation and tender words in zeros and ones. This sympathy runs circles. Teardrop fascination, rainbows and vampires. you were everythign that was good in this world until you recognized me for what i was and i'm rambling aren't i? its too late to take it back too late to go there again there's no time left to fix the things we never started to understand until now and days weeks years later this will come back to haunt us under moons and bedrooms in smiles and voices and the pulse of the rain. Under clouds and stars and smiling children laughing we will realize the reality of that last mistake that left us both gasping for air. (everything since that moment hasn't felt right somehow) did you steal my empathy or did i leave it in the backseat of your car when you drove away.
Its hit and miss i'll admit and some nights nothing feels like it could be real anymore but that's life so so... "can you escape these motives" its a constant amazement this faceted life you live and the way ever point reflects the same light and for all your beauty there's not really anything to you. How many of you read this and how many of you feel it? What's the point of watching you through windows when no one's home and no one cares. There's something here i'll admit and like this beauty i can't quite understand. Its a summer storm and the ocean in bloom its these polar bears and songbirds taking flight. "You had the best damn sunday dress at the end of the world" and i wanted you to know that it wasn't ever easy to drip this life on perfect red lips the taste of it still burns. You'll see me on stage and you'll see all of me a million faces and all of them unclear and unreal. I will be everything you ever wanted and wanted to hate and there is no pride left here anymore. Simple shadows of good things dead by midnight and would you believe the more they love you the more you hate yourself. Would you believe they fall out of love simply beacuse you do.
Would you believe that all these words came from somewhere deep that i can't understand (i knew every word so well and i love you all)