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paperdoll faces
12:48 a.m. 2004-04-25

And if i ever go i won't say goodbye because it will only be when i can't care any more and you have no idea how much i hate that you're the only thing keeping me here and my selflessness is what got me into this in the firstplace and apparently its all that's keeping me alive and i hate it but that's why i do it right? We never understood quite what we were saying, spraypainting those dreams on cielings like that were bound to come true and fifteen minutes past conception its already dead, another abortion of the mind and i'm left to deal with the body but the fact of the matter is

we never had enough time or enough trust of enough patience to walk through everything the way we wanted to and we'll all fall apart and gasp for breath lashing out against everything we hold dear and no one will ever know the significance of what i've done for you and pushing you away was the hardest thing i ever did and leaving no chance for you to come back leaves me rocking alone in corners eyes blind and whited over tearstreaked and forsaken (it was our word to begin with) i'll miss you so much but i think maybe i did the right thing and its been a long time since and its never hurt so vividly before (bloodred and blueskies singsong backdrop of broken hearts) its beautiful isn't it this scenery and its funny to think that there's no root to this tree its as if God created it and let it grow inside like a cancer eating away my consciousness and reason and my soul is being chocked by these tendrils of depression. I don't bother with self pity but there's something theraputic to all of this

( you said i was selfish as i bled for you and taht was the worst thing you could ever have done and why can't i learn)

(i hope that something touched you once because that 's the most selfish thing i could hope for, that you felt something... i guess this is goodbye for real this time and we'll see what i am without you)

Songs for sinners this is in dedication to the bodies i've forsaken here in these past hours and you know what it hurts the most because I cared about you and you never recognized. I love you so... fuck off

-paperdoll faces-

Spot in the dark

save the time you would have spent returning these cheap plastic smiles

Our hearts on our sleeves and our lips white from silence

There's nothing left

Burn out these sockets like cheap paper

Cut these wires and leave this record skipping

Sheetmetal bleeds into leaden pools at the feet

Songs left hanging through air shatter like fingertips

Yours words on paper

Fire cleanses worlds and households

And paperdoll faces melt

Your sincerity was as subtle as the knife in my back

And the blood carresses us like no lover could

Turn off the lights and try to embrace this

Silver sheen shows off your smile

and mirrors bleed off this amber glow

I need to just disappear

(I just lost my best friend... the one i'd made up to take your place when you went away)

back & forth

words @ jake, layout @ kelly