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8:40 p.m. 2004-04-08

Pain this skin with scars and delusions and half assed promises/// color this hair the color of my heart/// please just let this face and these clothes show you all who i am so i don't have to hide any more (i'd rather you reject and avoid me than have you never know who i am)

The exquisite pain of looking at his face, the face you loved like it or not, realizing that's the first choice for both you and me and cut away my skin please make me look like that, after all its what i really always wanted to be. (when we're hurting its human nature to think the pain lasts forever) Fuck these periods of happiness

The worst thing is, i used to love being like this. Now i'm afraid to let this pain show because god dammit i don't want to hurt you all by admitting i'm not fixed yet (break me again)

I'll read the words you wrote to him, always wondering exactly what went on and i'll never question.

[broken down in bars and bathrooms]

[damn you always had it way too easy]

The worst thing you could do is care about me. I'm so damn ungrateful

after all i'm the one staring at his picture and reading this over and over again

back & forth

words @ jake, layout @ kelly