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it broke itself... don't look at me like that
9:28 p.m. 2004-01-17

I need something to hold onto right now and words seem so insubstantial and i'm slipping and the visions and delusions and the smells are all coming back to me now and i want to curl up and hide from everything. I want to clench this close to me and watch is dissapate and hover above so clearly, leaving me. I need something concrete and physical and i need to change my mind but i can't alter it. take this hurt and tip the scales with it and both of us aren't alive at the same time, its a cycle and when i hurt i'm alone. I need something from someone right now but i can't ask for anything from anyone. Fuck i feel so hopeless and lifeless and these tears are real aren't they?

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words @ jake, layout @ kelly