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given a soul but its lost again
10:02 p.m. 2003-12-14

It burns inside when nothing matters and everything falls down and you can't even understand what its like because you haven't lived this you haven't committed suicide three fucking times and watched life pull you back kickin and screaming and tearing you apart. You haven't finally found what you want, friends who understand, a lover, a life you want, and then been pushed towards the edge again. You haven't found Happiness only to realize that she's holding a razor to cut away joy. Contemplating just throwing this away and staying here against the definitions and boundaries i know i can't but i want to so bad and i hate how you take everything so literally and try to hide behind false consequences and unreal feelings of pity selfdoubt and understanding.

I want to spend a day with you before i leave because i think maybe we could talk even though i hardly know you. At the same time though we've never really met i have the feeling that you and i know each other quite well because after all you read thisi don't you.

The most powerful feeling in the world is being pushed over the edge, shoved over the breaking point and finding that you're not falling that you're still hovering levitating above it all.

there's nothing to replace this nothing can take it away' tomorrow i'll put on my face and smile for another week

It hurt today to realize, and to put it in words that a week from today i'll be in a car driving away.

I want to die

Because i can't stand to do this again

"We did this"

lying there today in your arms listening to them sing. I think its important for artists to share what they want the song to be with the audience, then you can find the true depth in every phrase and word they say. "tidal waves they rip right through me" i know that feeling so well and ironically every time he sang them those waves just crashed into me and i could barely control myself.

it meant something more didn't it? did you know how you felt when the world fell apart? do you know the things that ran through my head? of course you don't because you're not me

You suck and that's sad

its the simplest phrases that pack all the meaning in the world into one little sentence

I know what you're doing right now.

I hate being afraid of this and i might just have to write you now because there are things that need to be said. its all good.

They're packing my house tomorrow and i'll just fade away like the boxes being shipped.

I'm going numb and you can see right through me

Where are you i need you so bad i need to just talk to u for a few seconds, and you're greeting was so heartbreaking because you didn't give me the chance to respond. Why is it that every time life gets unbearable you're right there. I love you and i want to help you smile.

i'm afraid to write that anymore but truth be told i love everyone.

if people feel comfortable around you if they get that vibe it will work. For some reason they just know that they can talk to you and everything seems ok when they're near you. They don't have to ask because they just KNOW you're offering. Its something amazing isn't it? Come to think of it you'd have to tell me i don't know

I'm so frustrated because i'm on the very verge of these epiphany's but i can't break through and there are these little tears in the fabric giving me glimpses but they keep sealing up again.

I can save myself

I MISS YOU SO BAD <------ its scary how many people that applies to or will soon. I hate my life and the games i'm being forced to play.

back & forth

words @ jake, layout @ kelly