I feel naughty
8:23 p.m. 2003-12-10
turn off the light i'm reading a ghost story.
Recurring themes like the visions from my nightmares. I thought through everything and you're the angel in the darkest places. In a moonless night you seem to throw off light and incandescent rainbows of silouhetted glory in every fucking direction and you're so beautiful it hurts to look at you. I think that's why you can't stand to look at yourself sometimes, its hard. I think, i love myself tonight, cuz you love me and that makes it impossible not to smile
(i never liked my smile, but last night, watching us together in the mirror, i couldn't help but smile, and i couldn't help thinking it wasn't such a bad smile)
Unconditional love, that's what you asked for. And its something i'm willing to give you. And everyone, because when you love someone unconditionally its so easier to love everyone. and honestly people you're all so luminously beautiful when i look at you because u know something, its whats on the inside that counts, and the fact that the bigger heart the better the looks (ther are exceptions) is just a bonus. I love you all because you give so much and you hurt so much and you don't deserve it.
(i laugh so loudly i had something better to put here but i forgot what it was)
I caught him lookingtoday and he looked so sad. I think everyone feels alone sometimes, walking along looking for something they can't find. I think if you catch them at the right time you'll see the secret there, liquid sadness floating in the colorful sea of their eyes. I've seen it so often lately, because i look now, and its so precious. Its not just in their eyes, its in the set of their face, the line of their mouth, and they look so vulnerable, but not in a way that makes you feel better. In a way that makes you feel compassion. I love how simply i strip away these... useless facades and catch transparent glimpeses of unguarded hearts. Maybe someday i'll have the stones to uncover myself before all of you. Maybe someday everyone will accept me like i accept everyone
(i'll love them all if its ok with you but i'll love you so much better because you're mine and i'm yours and this is... eternal?)