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Forsaken
8:43 p.m. 2003-11-05

Trying to hold on to scattered fragments of who i used to be. Everything in a creationists dreams fell apart the day i... I'm actually not sure what happened but i've lost so much over these years that its hard to find my way back.

And I realized why I can't write anymore. Its because I'm Scared. Scared to show my true colors anymore. You (i'll never say who) stole my freedom and hid it away somewhere.

Guilty and degraded. We've bastardized ourselves and lost our purity.

Guilty and degraded. We've bastardized ourselves and lost our purity.

Right now you find the words to right your wrongs

Right now you find the words to right your wrongs

And I'm sorry for the way my eyes objectify you

Don't worry, you know it wasn't you so don't feel guilty. Unless, do you think you did it? Oh well its all in your mind anyway.

Fanciful notions of forever and progress ring dial tones in dreams. false promises delusions of tomorrow and prophetic discontent sing softly on the wind as you... Walking home in this, chill frozen snowscape swirling surreally/serenly around me I feel like time could just melt away and leave me here dropped by the powers that thought they were.

And there they were, the remenants of last nights festivities, punks and fetish kids, all tattoos and studs.

Till i wake up everything will be forgotten, till i wake up everything will be black and peaceful and unimportant. Even you. because i don't dream. I just close my eyes and forget. I have to. Because the rest of the time i can't forget and its painful to remember.

Everything i lost everything i found everything i learned and let slip. EVERYONE who ever meant anything is gone and i'm left alone, just like the time before.

I've grown tired of this. Each life another facete on this flawed stone. I'm only 15 for gods sakes and i've given it all away more times than i can count. I walk down the streets and see an 80 year old man and know that chances are i've lived more than him already. Lost more than he will. Because everyone dies once, but i day every few years.

Shadowy dreams of you

It was just a thought that occured to me before i was awake enough to dismiss it

back & forth

words @ jake, layout @ kelly