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6:40 p.m. 2003-10-27

I haven't felt this way in a long time. I feel... suicidal, like i don't want to wake up tomorrow. Except I do, because I want to feel you and I don't want to let you go. Ever. I feel so fucking horrible right now, but i love you so much. So thank you. (and i hate to say it, but damn you for making this impossible. It may sound bad beautiful girl, but its a good thing) I'm not sure i'll be able to keep these tears in much longer, a few of them are tracing their shameful stains down my cheeks and i feel my fucking heart breaking. I'm confused though. Because if i cry, i want to cry in front of you so u know that i'm not bulletproof, so you see how bad this is hurting me. My tears would show you, once and for all how much i loved you. But i don't want to cry, because there's still a part of the proud stupid jake left in me, and because i know, just how ugly i am when i cry and i'm already ugly enough. And i haven't cried in 6 or seven years, and that means that i've stayed strong that long. If i cry, i may die and i don't want to die because i want to be with you forever. Fuck them and fuck everything i ever thought about LOVE. I thought that i'd never need anyone. I was wrong. I thought i'd never find the person i could spend forever with when i was in highschool. I think i'm wrong. I never thought I wouldn't be able to move on. I think i'm wrong about that too. Baby girl, it scares me sooo much, this feeling burning inside, this sound saying "i love her, i'll always love her i want to be with her forever." Its frightening because maybe you don't feel the same way, or maybe i'm deluding myself. But i don't think that's the case, what i'm really scare of is that i've found you and you're perfect and the world is trying to rip me away from you. I love you

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words @ jake, layout @ kelly