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Every step that i take
9:27 p.m. 2003-10-12

I can feel the beauty/power in my own voice when i pour this out through words i never wrote. But i can't share that with u, because everything inside that may be somehow spectacular isn't like that on the outside. There's nothing marvelous about me but the things i create inside myself and those are the things u'll never see.

I love screaming till my throat is dead and my veins can hardly pulse anymore, until i want to lay empty for hours/ this is my release. Its physical like so many other escapes, but the revelations and the emptyiness it brings are all purely spiritual.

I love their songs because they were one of the ways we first connected. I'd listen to their words, knowing that u understood, that you found the same comfort in them i did, that they brought u the same sense of rage and longing. I'd sit and listen to them as loud as i could, like u taught me too, alone in the schoolcrowd because i chose to be alone while u chose to pretend u were a part of all that. And sometimes, i'd snatch a glance at u, the words blaring in my ears and it made you so beautiful somehow. This is the only way i can remember you now, the conversations we had and the music that bears your scent when it floats through the air. Also, the girl in their videos looks like you, or maybe that's just the ethereal residue of footprints you've left all over my mind.

These words, these feelings, they're just relics of a girl, a girl who disappeared. You couldn't be farther away. But i wish you well wish you... hope

back & forth

words @ jake, layout @ kelly