Left and center now
10:54 a.m. 2003-10-11
She was... afraid, or something, there's this air about people and when you look, you can see their hearts, singing shimmering silent halos subtle lights dancing around their bodies. It used to be so clear so... obvious. I think it was because i was the kind of person who deserved to see, who knew what to do with the knowledge. I have no real knowledge of facial expressions, because i'm usually afraid to look at people for very long. But i used to be able to just see everything in a girl's face.
Maybe i can't see as clearly anymore or maybe you just don't mean it when you say you love him. Rock solidly in your cradle, maybe you're lying to me to yourself to the world, or maybe i just don't know you well enough yet.
I think it has to do with innocence. And how i'm steadily losing the innocence i preserved for much longer than most of you. But the methods i used, the walls i kept to deny my emotions, they can't last forever i think. Maybe i'm not strong enough and my reason won't last and i'll give into the anger and the fear and the pain and the tension and the inferiority and i'll just SNAP. I'll stop seeing the joy in a child's eyes, the hurt in her's, and i'll just destroy and ravage and undo what i've done. I think that that's coming....
And if i do have to leave, maybe i won't break until i'm somewhere far away from you, where i can't hurt you.