And i'm wondering why you never call anymore

I can't see why this is beginning to end or why life is so determined to tear me apart.

And I swear I'll be alone. I'll become, someday, what i always wanted to be. Aloft and strong and distant. not beautiful perhaps, and not loved. I'll be the island in the sea of emotion and turmoil, steadfast, reliant, observant unchanging. This is my new ideal.

I've never been what i wanted, no matter what i wanted and it keeps changing

back & forth