I can taste you innocence
9:39 p.m. 2003-10-06
I wish i could sing, to let my pain out into something shimmering and fragile and infinitely perfect. I wish I could find it inside myself to scream this to the world and have them love me for it.
-FUCK BUT I WON'T CRY-
if i could put this all into luminesnt lyrics and you could here them as I feel them, maybe i could finally heal and become something other than broken. But at the same time, its all this pain that's so beautiful isn't it? I don't want to let go of this, because i'm still not sure that the light is better than the dark. i'm not sure if i could live with myself knowing i'd just given up this outlook, this tragic, skewed, original, beautiful view of life. But i don't want to look at things this way because that means i can't truly slip into the feeling you give me.
Something's holding me back
I think i'm different in the way i seperate the mental from the physical and how i'm just now learning that the physical isn't all wrong. But at the same time, I can find such peace in words and knowing that i understand someone, that i don't have the same need for the physical that most people do. Between that and the fact that i don't seek the comfort inherit in being held by someone dear to you, its understandable that my behaviour seems strange to you sometimes