A kick in the ass and a gun to my head
6:56 p.m. 2003-10-02
Right now, I hate everytihg. I hate you, I hate myself more than ever. I hate my family, I hate my house I hate how long it takes to get home and how little comfort there is within this building. I hate how stupid I am, how forgetful, how selfless and self-destructive I am. I hate my guitar and every song I've ever played written or sun. I hate every thought, every word every sound I hear. I hate breathing and the taste of the air. I hate these headaches and these circles under my eyes and how i haven't really slept in days. I hate how I lie to everyone all the time and they never even know. I hate how honest I am, how honest I've become just for you for no good reason. I hate happiness and the feel of your skin and the sound of your voice and the smell of your hair. I hate everything, and its only in this hatred that I can keep from falling apart. I hate these tears straining to get out, I hate these sobs I can feel struggling to get free and I hate how determined I am to control them. I hate thinking of you and I hate thinking of anything else. Right now, I hate everything.
Right now, I want to break up with you. I want to tattoo LOSER on my forehead, WILLINGLY FORSAKEN across my chest and HATRED on my arms. I want to stand naked in the middle of my school and I want them all to laugh and throw things. I want to see the looks in the eyes of strangers and the embarrassment in the eyes of people I know.
Life just keeps on confirming it. I am worthless. I will never measure up. I am a horrid black abomination, a child with a sick mind.
~just forget me, its that simple~