Fuck but I never swear
8:35 p.m. 2003-09-18
Fuck the expectations and Fuck the norm. I was born into this world innocent, and while i'm no longer naive i'm still innocent at heart. You aren't, life brought you down and broke you, all of you, long before i met you. HOw do i know that? Because you feel the pressures, you feel the expectations, and you conform to them. And you hide yourself from everyone.
And until they open they're mouth, everyone is beautiful, because only your words can reveal how hollow you've become.
WHat the hell do i tell them when they ask me how are things going?
N↥ ? says:
it's just that I'm ... happier
I can taste your innocence... says:
then he's doin a good job
? N↥ ? says:
yes he is
I guess I'll never do a good job
with her at least, i can pretend to be whatever she wants me to be, its just a game there, and she's never even met me. But its nice, every once in a while to pretend, to just share these unimportant facts and pretend that somethings happening when it isn't.
Right now i want to be any place but here. Right now i wish i was 18 and didn't have to listen to anyone. I wish i could pack a bag, throw my guitar into the back seat and drive all night. And drive the next day, and just keep going. I know enough to know that i won't be able to outrun everything that's eating me. And i don't want to, i want to feel myself die slowly. But if i could just go away, i would be able to start over in a different place, and move on every time it got complicated.