x newest x older x profile x notes x kelly x poems x diaryland x
defy the parents cuz its such a trend
9:33 p.m. 2003-09-11

There isn't any clear purpose to this writing only self expression at the hands of an unmerciful determination to get this right. This time I don't want to go under, this time i want to be the stronger one. Time after time i've fallen apart at your hands, memory or no memory I won't let you get the best of me this time. Try your hardest to effect life when all you can do is write your words and send them outwards. You can't touch me, can't scathe me, not this time, not this time. This time I'll finish the race and things will work out my way and I won't be pulled under by wasted repitition of the same old phrases, the same motions, the same acts of love with no meaning anymore. You thought you were breathing life into these veins, but I'm already here, I'm already strong and I know enough now not too put too much value on that. My strength is her strength and together things can be changed. There are no rules but the rules you make and the fact that you hate her for no reason at all is blinding and darkening in this already silent room. Try to explain to me why you have to hold on, so long after it becomes clear that nothing is working, sadomasokism, pain for pleasure welcome the game when you have nothing left to gain to lose. There are some things i won't stand for, don't despise my leniancy, I could be more than this, but i'm content in my quiet little niche. There's a strength here, a will a determination that won't be tapped when you try to drive your point home. Want it or not, wish that it were gone, i am alive and through that life, i am determined to live to the best of my ability. So bring on your storms, your knives, your twisted warring words, bring on the night i'll wake up again.

back & forth
words @ jake, layout @ kelly