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Did you understand any of that?
11:10 a.m. 2003-08-25

Just more ramblings and everday is drawing a perpetually blank stare from this tired child. But at least things are finally coming clear through the haze. Sleep deprivation is the untimely catalyst driving me to understanding and i finall see u in black and white now.

So do i...

Want this? I thought i made the decision already, I know that at one point i made up my mind to trust people and take their words as the truth. I know that I decided i'd get to like myself and i'd accept that other people could care. I know i made the decision once. But i'm in a fragile state of mind and it doesn't take much to knock me down. All it took was a slight regression of my own thought. All i had to do was let in a little bit of doubt and i'm back where i started, fighting for every moment. And its so hard, and i think it'll be harder to start again and look on the bright side. So the question is: Do i let myself want to i force myself to understand desire, even if i can't have what i want. Or do i let this slip and fall back into the cycle? Someone tell me what to do

back & forth

words @ jake, layout @ kelly