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9:49 a.m. 2003-06-22

What is life in its entirety? Has God, whoever he is to you be it evolution or random chance or some omnipotent being, given humanity this glowing bright spark of feeling for no real reason? Or, like so many seem to think, do we exist as we do, aware and inconcievably vulnerable, for the single purpose of finding happiness; of finding love? Is love everything, or is love a footnote in time, a speck of dust in our path? Love is what we make it, that can be the only real answer. The paradox of having free will is that it inexorably pushes us away from each other as we discover individual values and beliefs. Love may be everything to you, and it may be nothing to me. Neither one of is right, there is no right or wrong, only belief and how you feel. But I know one thing for certain, and I KNOW that is it right. There is more to life than what I have right now, there is more to life than getting up and slogging through each day. Success has no meaning when you don't strive for it. My natural gifts make effort unnecesary at this stage of my life, and so I surpass the average without concentration. This cannot be life.

Existential Paradox in all its smothering beauty. I embrace you for the complexity you possess and for your ability to consume me and block out everything else. The more I ponder, the less I know.

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words @ jake, layout @ kelly